I want to say that I’m tired of gear reviews made for dogs. (Apparently, there are dogs who are willing and able to read recording gear reviews). You see, my dog lays on the bed about 22 hours per day. The other 2 hours he breaks stuff, pees, and poops. The end! He has spare time!
I, however, am a human being. I’m writing a home recording book, trying not to fall too behind on a forum (and failing!) , trying to improve my search engine rankings, working out the graphics for my book, discussing code with my programmer, trying not to burn the meat on the skillet, and trying to keep the woman miserable. Oh yeah, I have 3 gear reviews that I’m behind on, a laptop with no Firewire port that I have return and about a billion other things to do.
You get the idea. My dog has more free time than I do!
All of us are busy people. As Brooks from Shawshank Redemption said, “The world went and got itself in a big, damn hurry”.
Why Waste Our Time?
I recently opened up my favorite recording magazine, Tape Op (which is generally badass), and some dude described a handle to a preamp for an entire paragraph. Move over Tolkien! We have a new king to the waste-my-time throne! I’m shocked the guy didn’t describe the mouse he was using to write the article or the chair he was sitting in or the mood of the UPS guy who delivered it. When does it end?
No Handle Reviews!
I don’t give a damn about handles for my preamps. I could see mentioning a handle on a 4×12 cabinet. (I like Boogie cabinets, but those handles HURT!). I don’t lift preamps often and when I do they don’t weigh enough for me to care about the handle. The preamp with the best handle in the world gets 0 additional points.
Gear Is Not Art!
I don’t care what anyone says. Gear is not art. It’s there to make art (or noise in my case). While I do have some swords I need to hang up, no one with any sense tosses a rackmount piece of gear on the wall. I don’t care about the outside appearance of recording gear. Therefore, I will not make mention of the way an EQ plugin looks. I respect the fact that your time is just as limited as mine.
Note: Ergonomics do play a part with any tool and in the event that way a unit looks effects the way I use it, I will make a note.
Short And Sweet
I’m going to do my gear reviews differently. I’m going to post the conclusions first in a bulleted list. I’m going to post the prices right after that. I’m going to get in, kick ass, and get out. If you want to read the whole thing, knock yourself out. If not, I saved you some time.
Some gear manufacturers will wonder why they only got a 300 word review. To these manufacturers, I can only say that I said what I needed to say. If they have complaints, I’ll gladly address them. However, my brevity is a function of respect to my users, not laziness.